Xander the rock star.

Written by: David Greenwalt Dr. Gregory... William Monaghan. Natalie French... Musetta Vander. Principal Flutie... Ken Lerner. Real Natalie French... Jean Speegle Howard. Summary: The sience teacher goes missing and is replaced by a substitute teacher Miss French who seems to be attracting every male students interest. The missing teacher Dr. Gregory is found decapitated and Buffy starts to suspect that there is something seriously wrong with Miss French when a dangerous vampire that Angel warned her about is scared of the subtitute teacher. A student goes missing after an evening of private tutoring with Miss French and Xander is next in line, Buffy warns him not to go, but he refuses to believe her that the woman he has a crush on is a big insect.

Angel warns Buffy about the fork guy and gives her something to keep her warm at night. Hello, Mrs Robinson. Xander's got a big knife and he is not afraid to use it. Oh Boy...

Quotes: Xander: Well, he's buff! She never said anything about him being buff! Willow: You think he's buff? Xander: He's a very attractive man! How come that never came up? Angel: You're cold. Buffy: You can take it. Angel: I mean, you look cold. (Takes off his jacket and puts it on Buffy's shoulders) Buffy: What happened? Angel: I didn't pay attention. Buffy: To somebody with a big fork? Angel: He's coming. Buffy: The Fork Guy? Angel: Don't let him corner you. Don't give him a moment's mercy. He'll rip your throat out. Buffy: Okay, I'll give you improved marks for that one. Ripping a throat out, it's a strong visual, it's not cryptic! Giles: That's all he said? A Fork Guy? Buffy: That's all Cryptic Guy said. Fork Guy. Giles: I think there are too many guys in your life. Buffy: Hot dog surprise. Be still, my heart. Willow: Call me old-fashioned, I don't want any more surprises in my hot dogs. Xander: Miss French. You two're probably a little young to understand what an older woman would see in a younger man. Buffy: Oh, I understand. Xander: Good! Buffy: The younger man is too dumb to wonder why an older woman can't find someone her own age, and too desperate to care about the surgical improvements! Xander: What surgical improvements? Willow (to Buffy): Well, he is young. Buffy: And so terribly innocent! Blayne: Gotta carb up for my one-on-one with Miss French today. When's yours? Oh, right, tomorrow. You came in second, I came in first. Guess that's what they call natural selection. Xander: Guess it's what they call a rehearsal! Cordelia (after she pumps into Buffy): Excuse you! Giles: You went hunting last night. Buffy: Yes. Giles: When you assured me you wouldn't. Buffy: Yes, I lied. I'm a bad person, let's move on. Giles: Did you see someone with a fork? Buffy: More like a jumbo claw. Giles: Oh. Well, at least you're not hurt. Buffy: And I saw something else. Something much more interesting than your average run-of-the-mill killer vampire. Giles: Oh? Buffy: Do you know Miss French, the teacher that's subbing for Dr. Gregory? Giles: Yes. Yes, she's lovely. In a... a common, extremely well proportioned way. Buffy: Well, I'm chasing Claw Guy last night and Miss Well Proportioned is heading home. The Claw Guy takes one look at her and runs screaming for cover. Giles: He what? Ran away? Buffy: He was petrified. Giles: Of Miss French? Buffy: Uh-huh! So I'm an undead monster that can shave with my hand. How many things am I afraid of? Giles: Not many. And not substitute teachers as a rule. Cordelia: I don't know what to say, it was really... I mean, one minute you're in your normal life and then who's in the fridge? It really gets to you, a thing like that. It was... let's just say I haven't been able to eat a thing since yesterday. I think I lost, like seven and a half ounces? Way swifter than that so called diet that quack put me on. Oh, I'm not saying that we should kill a teacher every day just so I can lose weight, I'm just saying when tragedy strikes we have to look on the bright side. You know? Like how even used Mercedes still have leather seats! Xander: Oh, forgiveness is my middle name! Well, actually it's LaVelle, and I'd appreciate it if you guard that secret with your life. Xander: She's not an insect! She's a woman, okay?! And hard as that may be for you to conceive, an actual woman finds me attractive. I realize it's no mystery guy handing out leather jackets and while we're on the subject, what kind of a girlie name is "Angel" anyway?

My review for the episode: Xander has a dream of saving semi-helpless Buffy from a vampire and then he jumps to the stage to finish his guitar solo. But life is often cruel cause then he wakes up to Buffy telling him he's drooling and he finds himself in biology class. Reality is a bitch. But now an out of topic comment the girlie side of me has to make, I love Buffy's red dress in the dream. And I love Dr. Gregory, finally someone believes in Buffy and doesn't thinks she's just a destructo-girl. He has seen that she's smart and encourages her to show it, which of course means that he is the next one to die. Poor Willow is so hopelessly in love with Xander, she's so eager to help him prove his manhood to Blane, but he just doesn't have a clue. And Xander is instantly jealous because of Angel and even he acknowledges that Angel is buff and a very attractive man. And he is so right, heh. Teacher's pet really has some delicious B/A interaction, they have a little banter and Angel gives her his jacket with a smirk on top, swoon. The chemistry between Sarah and David is just unbelievable. Buffy can't part with the jacket and poor Giles is tormented by the beautiful sunny days. I just love Giles. And once again Xander shows he's a guy as he goes incoherent and can't remember where the class room is when the substitute teacher shows up. I simply love the looks Buffy and Willow exchange as they observe Xander's behavior and their conversation in the line in cafeteria. Later his horny teenage boy status is again brought to light as he gawks at Miss French's chest, again losing ability to form sentences. But he should have smelled something funny, especially after Buffy's warning, because the seduction (little black dress, dim light, music and alcoholic drinks) was not very subtle. But simply loved his reaction to the martini, hilarious. But he also shows his courage as he takes a bar as a weapon instead of escaping from the cage and leaving Blayne behind. Poor Dr. Gregory and poor Buffy too, I really felt sorry for her. Dr. Gregory believed in her and seemed like a nice person, like Giles said that he was a gentleman and he (Giles) liked him, so poor Giles as well. But I love how Buffy innocently promises him she won't do anything rash and in the next scene she is looking for the fork guy. And I adore the conversation Buffy has with Giles the next morning, they are just so great together. In a typical Cordelia-fashion she walks into Buffy and makes it Buffy's fault. But her reasoning about killing a teacher is a great way of dieting and even used Mercedes have leather seats is funny. Principal Flutie's insistence of talking to the counselor, “you must heal”, was great and the look on Buffy's face when she's listening to Cordelia is priceless. There are so many great and funny moments, like Buffy's and Willow's exchange of how/why Miss French screams predator and Giles' 'wasn't here, didn't see and couldn't have stopped you' to Willow's hacking into the coroner's computer. Everyone plays so well together that the comedic timing is perfect. Also loved Giles' phone conversation with his “source” and the whole interaction between the gang. And yet another funny moment as the voice that makes praying mantis' nervous system go to hell is Giles' voice talking about proper filing instead of bat sonar. Buffy shows off her smarts by figuring out Miss French is a bug, sending Giles to the dark and musty vid library and later by using fork guy as a tracker. But Xander not believing Buffy's warning and accusing her of being jealous is more out of hope of it being true and his own jealousy than reality, a fact that supports that is his comment about Angel's name even though he was in no way part of the discussion. And lets not forget the last scene with Buffy and Angel, my tv screen is burning up from the heat. In a completely shallow note I must say that David looked really hot, and so pretty. And the smirks, smiles and looks Angel gave to Buffy were simply great, the whole exchange between him and Buffy crackled with electricity. And Angel saying his leather jacket looks better on her and then giving her a look over his shoulder as he walks away, swoon. Which is followed by Buffy breathing out 'Oh boy', you can tell she's already falling. I really don't know what to think about Miss French, about the bug lady not the real Miss French cause I just love her, the scene with her was hilarious. For some reason I always like it when something that isn't supposed to be scary makes a “big bad” run for cover, so I loved the turn and look when fork guy came after her (bug lady). But the completely turning head was pretty bad, but considering this episode was made in 1996 with small budget it could have been much worse. Also the bug She-mantis is awkward, but the lighting is so dark that it is barely seen. The “shadow slaying” of the bug looked good, it was really a nice touch. And good for Xander that he got to say shut up to Blayne and then hack up the eggs to get back him manhood. But I actually liked the ending with the eggs in the closet, though I'm glad that there wasn't another episode involving these giant bugs. Not the best episode of the season, but I just like Teacher's pet, it's a fun episode and the delicious B/Aness of it is a big bonus. 9 -