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Chapter 10: Dreaming of Yesterday It wasn’t a surprise that the Scooby gang and Giles were against of Buffy going to LA. But she reasoned that she wanted to see her father and it was only a two hour drive. Still they were against it and she surprised everyone by saying that she didn’t care. She wrote Nikki a letter, saying goodbye and that she couldn’t say final goodbye so she just left a letter and would write to her. She left a long letter for Liam also and informed her jobs that she had to leave to LA, that she had to quit. Neither of her boss’ were happy but they understood. The scooby gang, slayers and vampires, all took a night flight to Los Angeles and Angel was just happy that Buffy was with him. He grabbed her hand half the flight without caring who saw them or had they been together for a year, he just needed her support to stay calm. Unfortunately Spike didn’t have that luxury.
“So, where are you thinking about staying?” Angel asked and finally turned to look at Buffy. “At my dad’s.” Angel frowned. “You can’t go there this time at night. How ‘bout you stay the night at my place? We did it back in New York, it’s perfectly safe, nothing happened”, he suggested but didn’t mention anything about the fact that the scoobies stopped anything from happening, but he was certain that he would have gotten his lust and passion in check before they went too far. Buffy looked around her, anything but him. “I don’t know Angel”, she whispered but she didn’t put much of a fight. “Nothing’s gonna happen”, Angel repeated and finally Buffy nodded. “Okay. But just for tonight.”
“This is so not good”, she said to herself and searched for a stake which she finally found. “I know it’s not Kate, that’s for sure”, she said to herself and was returned with Angel moaning Buffy’s name. Cordelia rolled her eyes, threw her arms up and sighed: “Of course! I should have known.” She nearly jumped out of her skin, letting out loud yelp when she heard a loud moan from behind her. She turned but there was nobody. When she heard whimpering, she took a step closer to the couch and saw Buffy. Only Buffy. She was sweating and arching he back, she was nearly off the couch in the air. “Angel”, she whispered and it was almost like she was gently laid back into the couch. Cordelia looked at her with wide eyes and she was starting to feel like a peeping Tom. She couldn’t take it anymore, she waltzed into the kitchen, grapped two pans and started banging them together. It worked. Buffy jumped up from the bed ready to kick someones ass and soon Angel come to the room with a axe in his hand. “Cordelia?” chorused Buffy and Angel confused. “Okay. Please somebody explain to me why you two were sounding like she was giving you a big happy even though you were in seperate rooms asleep. You two were making even a porn star blush and you were doing it in synch. Please someone, explain before I go wacko”, she ranted waving the pans in air. Both Buffy and Angel looked embarrassed till they realized at the same time what Cordelia had said and their eyes widened. They had been having the same dream.
“I want to know why it is happening. I’ve been having those dreams frequently since I moved to New York. Maybe it’s the first”, Buffy said hoping the answer was found but Angel shook is head. “I don’t thinks it’s the first, this is different than that time”, he said but couldn’t help but think that those had been memories too, just like now. “And now come to think about it, why am I having dreams that are located in your apartment which I haven’t seen before today?” Buffy asked crossing her arms in front of her and expecting an answer. Angel gulped, he was afraid of this moment, maybe he could dodge the question, make a lie or something. Cordelia huffed. “You better tell her, Angel. You aren’t going to talk yourself out of this one”, she said and with Angel’s questoning look added: “Doyle told me.” “Could someone please tell me”, Buffy said feeling frustrated and a little scared seeing the small panic on Angel’s face. “Buffy, we need to talk. Privately”, Angel almost whispered. Buffy nodded and Angel lead her back to his apartment. Angel fidiged, he kept pacing around the room and running his hand through his hair. Buffy looked at him, feeling the panic tranfirm to her as well. “Angel, please. You’re starting to scare me”, she whispered and Angel stopped. He looked at her, she was so beautiful and her eyes showed love and trust. Soon them both would be gone and that was what scared him the most, that Buffy would hate him. “You’re going to hate me”, he whispered miserably and stepped closer to her. Buffy looked at him like he had lost his mind. She grabbed his hand in hers and pulled him closer. She looked at him straight in the eyes and whispered with a low but soft voice: “I could never hate you, Angel.” She brought his hand to her lips and pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles. “Buffy”, he started with a voice that was full of longing. “The dreams, they are memories”, he managed to finish. Buffy looked at him like he had grown another head and said: “But I haven’t even been to your apartment before last night. If I had done those things with you, I certainly would remember.” Angel closed his eyes and let out a small sigh. “Buffy. Thanksgiving when you came to visit me, things didn’t go like that at the first time. The mohra demon escaped, we tracked it, we seperated, I killed it but it’s blood mixed with mine and I became human.” He still hadn’t opened his eyes, he could here her gasp for breathe. He started to rub her palm with his thump to soothe her. “I found you at the pier, we kissed and came back here. We decided to be sensible but that didn’t work out and we ended up breaking the table”, he continued and a small smile rose to his lips, he couldn’t help but feel enourmous male pride from what had happened. “We had the perfect day, I got to hold you in my arms without fearing my demon. But the mohra demon wasn’t dead and I went after it. I was human, I couldn’t fight it and you had to rescue me. But it said that together we are strong, separared we would be weak, and I was weak, I was human, I couldn’t fight beside you. So I went to the oracles and they told me, you would die”, Angel voice broke at the last sentence and he opened his eyes. Buffy had tears in her eyes but she didn’t say anything, she just looked at him, the look of love wasn’t gone but there was also a enourmous amount of pain. “I wasn’t any help to you, you would have been destracted protecting me, so I asked them to take my humanity back. I couldn’t live without you, without you in this world. They said they couldn’t do it but then they gave me a choise, turn the day back and only I would be able to remember. So I took it. And I would do it over and over again if it would save you. I can’t excist without you, Buffy”, he said and cupped her cheek. She closed her eyes, tears running down her cheeks and she leaned into his touch. Slowly her hand rose to her chest and she whispered with a hoarse voice: “I felt your heartbeat.” Angel closed his eyes and leaned closer to her, capturing her lips into a slow, sweet longing kiss. Buffy dug her face into crook of his neck and sobbed clinging to him like he was her only salvation. Buffy and Angel were curled up on the couch. He held her in his arms like she was a fragile china doll, he stoked her soft hair and pressed loving kisses on her forehead every now and then. Her tears had tried and now she was content in Angel loving arms. But still her mind was racing, Angel had been human for a day and all those dreams that plagued her for moths were memories of that day. She pressed her face farther into his chest, feeling more calm by his strong presence. But she couldn’t go back to her life like the day had never happened. She lifted her face from his chest and looked at him right into his soulful eyes. “Angel. Do you love me?” she asked with a soft barely there voice. Angel was little taken back by that question, not because what it was but that she had to ask it. “Of course I love you. I will love you as long as I excist and longer”, he said and smoothed her hair, he couldn’t stop touching her. “And I love you. I can’t stop, no matter how much I try. And I can’t live without you in my life, it is slowly killing me”, she said and gently grabbed him by the arm to seice him from turning his gaze away from her. “Especially now that I know what we had. Even if it was just for a one day, I can’t let you go, not again”, she continued keeping his gaze fixed on hers. “But Buffy... The same things are still there, I can’t give you normal life, we can’t be together in that sense because of Angelus and I can’t go back to Sunnydale because I have responsibilities in here”, he protested but Buffy pressed her finger to his lips, silencing him. “I’m not asking you to leave LA, what you are doing here is great, you are helping people. But Sunnydale is only two hours away and there is this invention called telephone. We can visit and we can call and you can learn to be a modern man and let Cordelia to teach you how to use e-mail”, she said grinning cheekily. “And the normal life thing, not going to happen. I’m the slayer, I’m not going to have a normal life, maybe some kind of normalness might be there like school but that still doesn’t change the fact that slayers die young.” Buffy saw Angel flinch and she took hold of his chin. “You know it, and I know it, that already have beaten the odds, slayers don’t have long lives, I already have lived longer than most. I don’t have time to worry about my grey hair or that you look younger than me. I can’t have children, they would never be safe if they even could be born and I want your children, not anyone elses. Sunshine, I don’t look so good in direct sunlight, during the day I’m on classes anyway and most of my life I spend in the darkness, I’m the slayer, I live in the darkness. And sex isn’t all that important, we can be like we are now, have long smoochies but stay on the safe side. Cold showers for us two. Why can’t I have some happiness in my short life? You are my happiness, I don’t care that you don’t have a heartbeat, I never have”, she said with tearstrained voice and ran her fingers along his jaw. “Besides, normal life is so overrated”, she added and smiled cheekily. Angel took hold of her hand that was still mindless caressing his jawline, he lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to her knuckless. “We’ll make it work, Angel”, she whispered feeling very emotional. “I still don’t know if it’s wise”, he tried to protest shaking his head, but it wasn’t done full heartedly. But Buffy grabbed his chin and looked at him with all love she could show in her eyes. “Just kiss me, it’s been too long”, she started but was cut off by Angel’s lips pressing against hers.
“Why are you so calm!? You should be worried too! It’s your jobs too”, she said feeling pissed off because he was so collected in that British way. “Cordelia”, Wesley started but stopped when he saw Buffy and Angel walk into the room holding hands. “I knew it!” Cordelia yelled but the newly found lovers just stared at her confused. “What is it, Cordelia?” Angel asked. “I’m going to be out of job. How many jobs is there for a actress slash vision girl?” Angel chuckled but soon went quiet with Cordelia’s steel cold look. “Cordy, you are not going to loose your job. Yes, Buffy and I are back together, but I’m staying in LA”, he said and immediatelly both Cordelia and calm looking Wesley felt at ease. “Okay. So, is the slayer girl going to move in now? Do we have to start fearing for our lives?” Cordelia asked in her usual blunt manner. “As nicely as you but it, no I’m not moving in. I’m going back to Sunnydale. No matter how pissed I’m at my friends, I can’t ignore my duty. I’m needed at the Hellmouth”, Buffy answered. Cordelia let out a small sigh of relief. “Well, I am very happy for you two”, Wesley said and immediatelly Cordelia added after him: “But don’t get too happy!”
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