Title: Broken illusions

Author: Helmi1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Buffy/Angel, Angel/Darla

Summary: Why didn't Angel loose his soul when he slept with Darla? Takes place after Angel threw Darla out of his house.

Spoilers: Not really but maybe for the episode where Angel slept with Darla before seeing the light(but not really).

Distribution: my site Back to the Hellmouth, Sinful Adult Fan Fiction Forum. If you want it, ask first and you'll probably get it.

Feedback: Yes please.


Broken Illusions


Angel climbed up the tree to the window he knew so well. He sat to the edge looking inside, the room was dark but he could see her clearly, even if he was blind he could see her. To someone else she might have looked peaceful but he knew what things plagued her during the night. His mind drifted back to LA few hours ago.

The blond in front of him was face first pressed to the mattress, her shapely ass in the air and mewls of pleasure coming from her as he pounded into her tight heat. He grabbed her neck, pushing her harder against the mattress as he thrust harder into her. She screamed his name but it only caused him to press her face more deeply into the sheets, trying to suffocate the sound of her voice.

His thrusts gentled, his other hand gently stroking her back till making its way to her soft hair. He ran his fingers through the soft blond locks and pressed a loving kiss to her shoulder. The brutal fucking was slowly changing into tender love making. He let go of her neck and licked her neck, soothing the red marks his grip had caused. He was so close to peace, he could feel his release nearing and his hand made its way between her legs, his fingers massaging the bundle of nerves till she was trashing against the bed, her orgasm rushing through her.

“Angel!” she screamed and turned to look at the man behind her. As soon as he saw her face, the peace was gone. He spilled his seed inside her channel but the woman he was embedded in wasn't right, he had been so close to achieving perfect happiness but then she turned around and his illusion of warm body of his true love was gone and in place was the cold dead body of his sire.

He pulled out of her and jumped off the bed, quickly pulling his pants on. Darla rolled to her back on the bed and after she was descended enough from her blissful haze, she turned to look in question at Angel who was nearly dressed. He picked up her clothes from the floor and threw them at her. Her look changed into anger more than confusion.

“Get out!” he ordered and she shot daggers at him. “No! Why haven't you lost your soul already?” she demanded and he send her a cold glare at her way.

“Because that wasn't perfect happiness”, he shot at her but she didn't look convinced. “I felt you cum, twice”, she insisted and he gave her mirthless laugh.

“That wasn't perfect happiness. That was fucking. You made the mistake of showing me your face, I was really close you know. But when I saw your face, the peace was all gone, no matter how I made myself believe I was making love to HER there is nothing that beats the visual and I saw it was the wrong pussy I had my dick in.”

“You bastard!” she screamed and attacked him but he grabbed her wrists and slammed her against the wall looking at her dangerously, something that reminded her of Angelus on his worst moods.

“I want you out. And if you try any shit with me, I will stake you”, he threatened and threw her to the floor. She looked at him, her eyes screaming bloody murder but she just picked her clothes and walked to the door. She opened the door and turned to look at him with a vicious smile on her lips.

“You think your bundle of sunshine is going to take you back? Admit it, you're spoiled goods, dear boy. She's not going to forgive that you were fucking me into the mattress just to get rid of that pesky soul”, she said and he took a step closer to her, his face darkening.

“Get out”, he spat through gritted teeth and she knew she couldn't afford to taunt him any further. She stepped out the door and left Angel into the room seething in rage.


Angel shook himself out of his thoughts and focused back to the beauty in front of him. Quietly he opened the window and stepped inside the room. He breathed deep the sweet scent of her in the room, vanilla, sunshine and something that was uniquely Buffy.

She turned in her bed and slowly her eyes opened, locking with his. He could see the surprise in them but also love and relief. Without even thinking, he walked to her, kneeling next to the bed and he ran his hand through her hair. It was so much softer than Darla's and he couldn't help but thread it between his fingers and bring a lock to his face, smelling the sweet scent. He could hear her heartbeat quickening and her smell her arousal.

“Angel”, she whispered, her hand reaching to his cheek, checking that he was real. “Buffy”, he breathed in reply and leaned into her touch, her skin warm against his.

“What are you doing here?” she asked tentatively, rising to sit on the bed, not loosing contact to him. “I had to see you”, he said rose to sit next her on the bed, his hands traveling up her arms before cupping her face and pulling her into a longing kiss. He leaned his forehead against hers and breathed deeply.

“Are you okay?” she asked worry marring her voice. He gave her a sad smile and pulled back. “I've been so lost. So damn lonely and confused. Finally I tried to loose my soul on Darla just to stop hurting.” She stared at him with fear and confusion.

“Darla?” she asked quietly. “An evil law firm resurrected her to mess with my head. And it was working. I'm so lost without you”, he said and she was afraid he might burst into tears. She cupped his face and pulled him to look at him, staring at his eyes, trying to find any trace of Angelus but not finding any.

“Why didn't you loose your soul?” she asked in a whisper, almost afraid of the answer, feeling hurt that he had slept with his sire. “Because she's not you. I tried so hard to pretend she was you, but she could never be anything that you are to me. You are my only perfect happiness, no one else can make me loose my soul”, he told her, his eyes betraying his suffering and shame. He pressed his face to the crook of her neck and wrapped his arms around her, holding her securely almost afraid she would disappear any second. He breathed deeply her scent and pressed a soft kiss to the exposed skin on her neck, soon shedding gentle kisses up and down her neck. She sighed softly, the sensations he was creating were so close to peace for her, it had been too long since she had felt anything like it. But finally she came to her senses, her head clearing long enough to pull his lips off her skin.

“What are you doing?” she asked breathlessly and looked into his eyes. “Please don't deny me”, he pleaded and the look on his face nearly broke her heart.

“I'm not gonna help you loose your soul”, she said more firmly than she felt. “I was selfish, I don't want to loose my soul anymore, it was wrong of me to even try. Just let me feel whole again”, he said and smoothed her hair back, his fingers lingering on the nape of her neck.

“We can't...” she tried to protest but her resolve was quickly wavering as his lips returned to her neck. He pressed her against the bed, his fingers opening the buttons of her pajama while his lips made their way to hers, claiming her lips with his own. She moaned into his mouth as his hands cupped her breasts, teasing her nipples with his thumbs as he gently massaged them. His lips trailed down her neck, paying extra attention to his scar and slowly making their way to the valley between breasts before sucking her other nipple between his lips. She let out a tiny yelp as he bit down gently and soothed her skin with languid licks before teasing her with the tip of his tongue. He kissed his way to her other breast, giving it the same treatment.

By the time he trailed down her stomach, she was mewling with pleasure, he dipped his fingers under the waistband and pulled the thin fabric off her feet along with her lace panties. For a while he just admired her glistering sex, it was calling to him, wet and ready and he wanted nothing more than to sink himself inside her and release his seed inside her womb but he could never do that and they both knew it.

He teased her outer lips with his fingers, gliding them along her opening for a good while, making her whimper in need till he dipped his finger inside her waiting heat. He gave her a long lick, his finger moving inside her languidly and his other hand caressing her thighs. She whimpered again as his lips worked on her sex, gently licking her lips before sucking her clit between his lips and other finger pushing inside her. “Angel”, she breathed and added a third finger inside her channel.

After a long while, he pulled his fingers out of her and replaced them with his tongue, his slick fingers rubbing the sensitive nub as his tongue licked her channel. She was quickly climbing up to the climax and he sucked her clit into his mouth once again, his fingers teasing her inner lips and he tapped at the small nub with his tongue, making her cry out. She arched her back off the bed and threaded her fingers into his hair but he pressed her back against the bed not relenting on his ministrations.

“Angel”, she whimpered and he gently nipped at her clit, sending waves of pleasure through her body but not sending her over the edge yet. “Cum for me, baby”, he ordered, breathing against her clit before again taking it between his lips and teasing it with his tongue.

“Angel!” she screamed and everything exploded around her as she reached her peak, her hands releasing his hair and balling the sheets to her fists. He released her clit and licked her clean before slowly shedding kisses on her body till he reached her face. She was smiling at him with a blissful look on her face and she cupped his face, bringing him into a gentle kiss, not stopping as she could taste herself on his tongue. She pulled away, breathing hard and her eyes hazed with passion.

“What about you?” “I'm okay”, he assured her even though his cock felt like he could drill through steel with it but he had to suppress the need he was feeling.

“You're hard”, she stated boldly and ran her finger along the bulge in his pants, making him jump.

“Buffy, please don't. I just wanted to give you pleasure, if you keep that up, I might not be able to hold on to the little control I have and we all will be damned”, he said pleadingly and understanding, she pulled her hand away, threading it safely in his hair.

“Can you stay till I fall asleep?” she asked sounding like a scared child. He just nodded and pulled her into his arms before wrapping the sheet over them.


Angel watched her sleep in his arms and he couldn't feel more right but he also knew he had to go back to LA. He pressed a soft kiss to the crown of her head and gently slid off from under her, her hands reaching out to him as he stepped away. He smiled sadly, pressing a kiss to her wrist and tucking her back under the covers.

“I love you”, he whispered and climbed out of the window. He jumped off the roof and quickly walked to his car. Giving one last look at the window of the room he knew his lover was soundly sleeping, he climbed into his car and headed back to LA. Hopefully he would achieve his sanshu soon so he could return back to her without fearing of going too far.

THE END